Parker Dean

when i was young & smaller than i am now my parents had my birthday party at an arcade down the street & had a cake made with action figures fighting crime on the frosting. & i remember licking the icing from their feet. & i remember a mostly empty room filled with balloons & streamers & my parents. & i remember the look in my mother’s eyes when she realized that no one was coming. & i remember the look in my father’s eyes when he saw my mother’s. & i played an arcade game where you place a coin into a slot & it tumbles down onto a pile of other coins that slide & push more coins into a larger slot & every coin became a ticket you could exchange for prizes. & this was my favorite arcade game b/c i felt good at it. & i would sit for minutes & maybe hours & maybe the whole birthday party & maybe my whole life watching one coin fall & click-clack into a pile of coins & push them all into the dark place under the machine & over & over until i had enough tickets to exchange them for a toy i would be bored of before we got home. & my mother asked me if i had a good birthday with tears in her eyes. & i said yes b/c birthdays felt like every other day. & my father asked if i liked my cake. & i said yes b/c it was true. & my mother asked if i was sad that none of my classmates had come. & i said no b/c it is what you are supposed to say. & that night i dreamt i was stuck in the coin machine but it wasn’t so bad b/c coins don’t hurt when they click-clack against other coins. & coins aren’t scared when they fall into the dark place under the machine. & coins don’t get any older they just get dull. & coins are not asked questions that feel heavier than other questions. & if they were asked heavy questions the coins would know why & what to say. & the coins’ mothers do not wonder if they are sad. & the coins do not have mothers anyway. & birthdays are just days. & days are just days. & after they fall into the dark place under the machine they are taken out & used again. & click-clack. & click-clack. & click-clack